Disciplining without distress

Most parents today understand the complexities involved with disciplining their children, complexities that didn’t exist in previous generations; once upon a time, a parent’s biggest fear lay in determining how far their kids could roam in a given street or playground.

Today, children are more interested in surfing the internet than jumping about in the sandbox. And the World Wide Web is a playground far too large for any parent to truly control or even supervise.

Consider the fact that children as young as four have greater access to the world than you ever did within that age bracket; and this world that they are choosing to interact with can just as easily reach out to them.

When it comes to exerting a sense of control over their child’s access to the world, it is essential that parents take the time craft strong bonds with their children at an early age, if only to acquire that coveted role of trusted advisor, a role that can prove crucial when it comes to issues of discipline.

Disciplining Without Distress

Discipline as it was known in earlier generation has lost its relevance today; traditional methods are most likely to destroy any influence you might have over those children who might need your guidance.

Discipline today is less about harsh punishments for wrong doings and more about prevention; reactive punishments might deter children from repeating negative habits but they will not nurture alternative habits.

Parents are often so engrossed with inundating their child with directives that they never consider their child’s inability to retain all those orders and commands about behavior in polite society; there is also an element of emotion to consider. A number of parent today know enough to avoid confronting their children while they are still overwhelmed by anger.

Taking the time to calm your emotions will allow you to bring a level head to a situation, ensuing that you not only tackle your child’s negative behavior but the emotions which might be involved. If your child responds to your prohibitions by kicking and screaming, it would be in your best interests to prioritize the emotions behind this reaction as opposed to simply chastising the actions.

Some professionals have suggested permitting your child to have their outbursts, and only once they have calmed down should you then attempt to make them understand the negativity of their actions. Most children will follow your will if you command them, no matter their beliefs or feelings on any given matter. However that isn’t likely to bring about transformation.

Understanding your child’s emotions and including them in finding solutions for expressing their frustration in a less destructive manner will allow both of you to progress with regards to understanding one another, even while building a powerful foundation for your relationship.

Of course, you have to keep in mind that it is within a child’s nature to act up; and in some cases, the onus might be on you to increase your tolerance for their actions, so long as they are not being violent or destructive.

On the whole, expressing your frustration through a display of anger such as yelling is discouraged; after all you are doing the exact things you have chastised your child about. Try to model behavior that you would like your children to imitate. Show them that one can feel exasperated but remain calm. You are more likely to bring about a change in behavior this way.

Disciplining without distress

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10 Alternative ways to teach your child a lesson

It's pretty unfortunate that over the years, the word 'discipline' has undergone complete modification from 'to teach' to 'to punish'. Now, there's a significant difference between teaching and punishing. The consequences of punishing a child to teach them a lesson and follow discipline can be quite detrimental in the long run. 

In trying to teach children discipline, many parents and schoolteachers opt for punishments like spanking the child, making the child stand outside and various others. What needs to be understood here is that children misbehave when they feel powerless and discouraged. By punishing them in an overpowering manner so that they feel bad about themselves in reality only lowers the child's self-esteem, which can have deleterious effects in a child's mentality. Spanking can be very humiliating for children, and can cause aggression, resentment, anger as well as physical harm, and more often than not does not teach the lesson that the parent is trying to convey. 

Here I am providing 10 tips to teach your child a lesson without hitting or spanking them

1) Expect your child to behave as per his or her age: A toddler can't sit in a place for too long, so don't expect them to behave properly in restaurants, cinema halls and other public places.

2) Use of timeouts: Timeouts have long been regarded as effective measures to make children calm down in their initial years when they undergo extreme of emotions. If you see your child frequently whining, hitting, biting and not acting up properly, take a timer and ask them to sit at a place for a short time as per their age. 

3) Stay positive and stay calm yourself: If being a parent you lose your cool in every matter regarding your child, what do you expect your child to do ? Even if you are angry or frustrated at your child's behavior, try to control yourself and handle such situations calmly.

4) Some basic practices need to be taught at a very young age: You need to teach your child practices like brushing teeth and bathing properly at a very early age. Then slowly, give them more responsibilities so they starts doing the things on their own. Similarly, try to teach them good mannerisms like saying 'Thank You', taking care of their belongings, doing the homework given in school in time for their overall development.

5) Reasonable punishments like removing a toy: If your child is fighting over a toy, using it inappropriately or throwing and banging it everywhere, remove that toy from your child's playbox and tell them that they get the toy only if they play with it properly. You can also try putting it in a separate restricted playbox, where your child only gets it once a week or so till he or she learns to play with it properly.

6) Empathize and understand your child: A child generally does not misbehave without any reason. They might have a very good reason for it. Try to understand your child's situation and help them solve the issue that is bothering them so much. This is especially very important during a child's school years and more so during adolescence. 

7) Unmet and unfulfilled needs or desires can lead to misbehavior: Observe what your child wants and needs. Does he need more time with you ? Is he unable to make friends ? Does he need more sleep ? Address such situations and you will get the possible solution to your child's misbehavior.

8) Try to handle a situation of power struggle properly: Your daughter is screaming hard for cookies because she thinks that by screaming you will give in. In such a situation, try to not get into 'fight mode' and scream at them back like 'No you are not getting any cookies !!' Rather, try to say 'We don't have cookies at home' or provide them with alternatives.

9) Spend more time with your child: You are a busy man and don't have much time for your child who comes to you and demands to play with you. So you tell your child that you can't because you are too busy. That's not the way to go. Every child needs that special moment with their parents, whether it be playing with them or telling them stories before sleeping or the ever-so-favorite pillow fight. Try to give at least half an hour a day to devote yourself for your child everyday.

10) Don't think it's too late to teach your child some values: Try to forgive yourself if you think your behavior has damaged your child for life. It's never too late to make your child understand what is right and what is wrong. You will get your chances. Try to grab them when they do come.

10 Alternative ways to teach your child a lesson

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